That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So. Much. Porn.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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