he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
