you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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