he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
