bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
