apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
