I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
