Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
