the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
