90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
