I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
