There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
