somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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