It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
