what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
