we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
