Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
