someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
