I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
