At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
