just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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