i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just want nice things and good sex
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
