wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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