i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
