You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You made out with two different species that night
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
