I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
