just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's shark week go big or go home
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
