at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
