Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
