Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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