my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
