The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
