can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Four minutes until I can fart!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
