I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
