i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
