i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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