in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
