One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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