so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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