I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
