i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
