do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
barbara walters just said penis...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
