my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
this is an emotional support booty call
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
