good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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