So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
