Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
