hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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