I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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