Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
