cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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