everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
