My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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