Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
