I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
But theres a keg here and me gusta
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
