tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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