i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
