don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
